Jokes 01

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.



Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.
Bill chooses Hell.
About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.
Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"
St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."

A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"

St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

Q. Why aren't there any nails in a lesbian's floor?
A. They're all laid with tongue and groove.

A man sits next to a very attractive woman on an airplane. He asks her what kind of men she is interested in. Her top three choices are American Indian men, Jewish men and Southern men. The woman asks the man what his name is.
He smiles, "Well, my name's Geronimo Bernstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

What's German for 'virgin'?

Goesintight.

What is the word 'non-virgin' in German? 

Brokenhymen

Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen?
People were confused about which side to spit on.

Q: How do you sink a Polish ship?

A: Put it in water.

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.



Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? 
They were riverdancing.