Jokes 02

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London.
"Excuse me, but if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease," says the waiter.
The Texan says, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"



In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"



Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory?
The police are looking for some hardened criminals!



A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Q: What is the mating call of a blonde?

A: "I'm soooo drunk."

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think of a name. So he decides to name the bar after the 3rd person who walks in. It takes dosen't take long and soon the 3rd customer walks in.

The owner jumps up and walks over to the girl. “You're the 3rd person to enter my bar and I'm going to name it after you.”

“Okay,” she says, “my name is Jill.”

The owner looks her over and says, “I like your legs so I'm going to name the bar 'Jill's Legs'”

The next day a bum is sitting outside the bar and a cop askes him what he's doing. He answers, “Waiting for Jill's Legs to open so I can get a drink!”

Q: How does a crazy person travel through the woods?

A: They take the psycho path.

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? 

A Dry Martinez!

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."

The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, "Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink." The bartender gets him a drink.

Bob says, "Donkeyboy, get me another drink." The bartender gets him another drink.

Finally, Jim asks the bartender, "Why does he call you Donkeyboy?"

"I don't know. Hehaw-hehaw-he always calls me that."