Jokes 03

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. What are you -- stupid?



What dessert doesn't Puff Daddy/P. Diddy eat any more?
Jello (j-Lo)



Want to hear two blonde jokes?
Listen to Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake.

Q: What do you call counterfeited German currency?

A: Question marks

Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?

A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

A man had to choose one of his three girlfriends to marry. He decided to give each one $5,000 and see how they spent it.

The first one got a makeover with the money. She told the man, "I spent the money to look prettier for you because I love you so much."

The second one bought new golf clubs and a television. She said, "I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much."

The third one invested the money in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned the $5000 to the man and reinvested the rest. She said, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. He finally decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll?

A: All Ken's stuff.

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.

"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."

"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."

Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear.

Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

John admits that he did. She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work.

On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill's wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves.

When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"

Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?"

She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."

A zookeeper approaches three boys standing near the lions' cage and asks them their names and what they're up to.

The first boy says, "My name's Tommy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions."

The second boy says, "My name's Billy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions."

The third boy says, "My name is Peanuts."

A man arrives back home after Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. The little girl says, "Daddy, why do you call your assistant a doll?"

Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, it's a term of affection. She's very hard-working, and Daddy appreciates her efficiency."

"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closes her eyes when you lay her across your desk."